To My Zachary

Yesterday you turned 5 – five, five, five.  I can’t believe that half a decade has passed since I first held you in my arms.  Your older sister taught me to be a mother.  But you - you taught me how to love as a mother.  Pushing you out was one of the most excruciatingly difficult things I have ever done and I will never forget the feeling of you entering this world.  All pain and discomfort and intense, overwhelming eleven hours of labor began to fall away.  

My heart began to race and didn’t stop for another six hours.  I sat up instead of sleeping – watching you –  baby burrito cooing and humming in your big sleep.  You were such a loud sleeper and my heart ached with love for you – love at first sight.  

Now you run and jump and search for toys that begin with the preschool letter of the day.  Every toy can be made a gun or a sword and you leap off the top of couches in a single bound.  You have a heart of gold – crumbling under the weight of my yelling and apologizing as fast as you can.  You hug, kiss and protect your sisters.  You tell me you love me when I’m having the worst day.  

Your clear blue eyes dimpled cheeks and chin envelope me in the reminder that there is so much good in this world.  And you – in your five your old glory are one of the best of those goods.  

I love you – my one and only boy.  I’m so grateful for you, Zachary John.  Your name means “remembered by a gracious God” – he remembered me and in his grace and mercy gave me the gift of you.