Friday, March 23, 2012

When There are No Words

As you can see, there have not been many words for me to share in this space. The last 5 months have been ones of change, introspection, trying new things, and many holidays and celebrations. But as I look outside and see spring sprouting and blooming, I realize that I need to renew my own thoughts and look for those words…ones that I have hidden and ones I have lost.

It is pure emotion that I often write from – joy, pain, ponderings. There have been many in this time when I was away, but when I considered recording them, I just couldn’t. It’s as if the words were not ready…still simmering or baking or maturing. That doesn’t mean that I suddenly have a great revelation to share, it only means that they are slowly showing their faces again…or maybe that I am beginning to look for them again in earnest. Maybe this whole time they have been waiting for me to get past my latest distraction so that they could remind me of what is really important…what I am really meant to do.

In truth, I was afraid to look for them…afraid to find what they wanted to reveal to me. I’ve learned some not so great things about myself during this time. I’ve learned that most days I’m selfish, that I look for ways to satisfy my own desires instead of serving others. I focus on things and push people and relationships to the side. I am task oriented and materialistic and those things get in the way of what I know should be my focus. Yet, I keep pushing away the revelations, the obvious answers right in front of me. The words in my head…the whispers of what to do. The words of the Holy Spirit – trying ever so gently to direct my path and me, choosing stubbornly to continue on my own way.

While I know this is my lesson, it does not mean that I fully know what to do about it, only that I’m on the first step of this change. While I cannot make any promises or commitments here, I only ask that you look at your own journey as I do the same. We all have great places to go – places that are counter cultural and odd, yet more meaningful than we ever could imagine. Let’s go together.

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