Showing posts with label Gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gratitude. Show all posts

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Holding on to Gratitude



Thanksgiving was a couple of days ago here in the United States and I’ve discovered that with each passing year, this holiday becomes more and more my favorite.  Most other holidays have a commercial component to them now and each one involves gifts except for Thanksgiving.  

Even though each year Thanksgiving grows on me on a bit, this year I think I finally understood why.  In church on Thanksgiving Eve, we were challenged to list all that we were thankful for out loud.  Pastor assured us to go on as long as needed and to not be shy.  As I started to say those people that I was thankful for I realized that after a short time, I could no longer speak.  Tears streamed down my face because how can you thank a great God who owes us nothing for everything we have?  I am breathing right now because he allows it.  Where can I even begin?  Pastor encouraged us to start small and continue to live a life of gratitude.  I was profoundly moved by this. 

Where do we begin?  First, start with our smallness – start with the fact that we are dust and then thank God for life and health and air to breathe.  Maybe family is next and then possessions.  But here is the tricky part – thanking him for pain and loss and all that challenge us in this life.  This is not easy, but if we are still breathing, that means that God has a purpose for us and he promises to be with us to help us.  

While the concept of constant gratitude is something I have been studying for nearly three years, I realize that I have much to learn and will probably never get it right in this life.  But starting somewhere is all we have to do.

The food is gone, the family has left, and I have almost recovered the kitchen from the madness.  The kids want to decorate for Christmas.  Me too…but I’m hesitating a bit.  Looking around at the simple orange pumpkins, cornucopia, leaves, and grasping the gratitude for just awhile longer. 

Saturday, August 17, 2013

When God Changes Our Plans



The last few weeks have been taxing.  Kids have been sick, the weather has been stinky and I’ve had my fair share of waiting on things unmanageable and unrestrained. 

I’m a planner and when plans go askew due to forces out of my control, I become undone.  In the past, this moved me to anger, discomfort and utter frustration.  While today, I still deal with those same feelings, I’ve learned that having three kids and staying home lends itself to a certain percentage of uncertainty.

Circumstances have caused us to stay at home quite a bit over the last week.  I don’t mind being home in general – it’s my job really – the physical aspect of being home is not a serious issue to me.  What I’ve struggled with is getting through the illnesses and changes and asking myself, “Why do we need to get through this?  Why us?  Why another derailment – especially so close to the last one?”  

A wise friend asked me recently, “Why does God want you home, Jen?”  I couldn’t answer the question.  But doesn’t God know best?  If these interruptions are what have forced us to stay home and embrace the serenity (if you want to call it that) of this gift of home and the resources we have, then maybe that is fine.  

We had one of the best weekends I can recall in a long time – all because we had to stay home and enjoy each other’s company.  The kids spent both days outside nearly all day.  I sat on the deck and drank iced coffee and read.  Jerry and I conversed.  We ate every dinner outside.  Without trying, we made the best of the change in our plans and somehow we are better for it.  

While I don’t always like it, I’ve come to realize that when God changes our plans it is always for our good.  From the simple, but mind blowing leaving the house too late and realizing that you would have been in that serious car accident, to the weighty life-changing pregnancy that you weren’t sure about.  And now you look at your sweet daughter and realize that life wouldn’t be this rich, crazy, bundle of goodness without her.  

We go kicking and screaming when our plans change, but if we can find the gratitude and lose the attitude, God always shows us that his ways are so much better.   

Saturday, August 10, 2013

The Last Day



Yesterday was the last day of my 30’s.  For months I have thought about this birthday and what it means for my life.  I’ve joked with others saying that I’m planning my “mid-life crisis”.  I’ve considered what outlandish thing I could carry out to celebrate this new phase in my life.  It seems that today was destined for momentous announcements, fireworks, or some other type of fanfare. 
 
I contemplate everything that has happened in this decade.  We bought our first home, became parents three times, witnessed tragedies and joys, experienced unexplainable ups and downs that made us stronger and enriched our lives for the better.  These were the life-sized, piercing transitions – signing papers for the house and taking keys in hand, births after hours of pushing, witnessing a friend’s tragic death, and walking out of my job for the last time.  When I look at the timeline of these 10 years, these events stand out screaming loudly, flashing sirens. 
 
But as I sit here in the still early morning a mere hour away from the time of my birth, I realize that the biggest changes in my life weren’t shrill or bombastic, but silent and reflective.  While those significant events were the catalyst for the changes, the changes themselves happened quietly and gradually. 
 
As a new parent, I learned each day to lay down self and serve those wee ones.  Most days I failed miserably, cried often and as they grew gave myself over to anger and annoyance.  But I’ve turned the corner over the last few years by God’s grace.  He has given me supernatural patience and a servant’s heart. 
 
God began changing my heart towards my job and career months before I resigned.  While that day terrified me, I had a great peace in my heart knowing that God was with me.  Now two years later I can look back and see how he has provided for us every single day – his faithfulness learned in minor and immense ways.  

I can truly see how each incident prepared me and I’m grateful for them. Each experience has brought me to this moment – even the daily, repetitive grind – an opportunity to learn and be refreshed and to turn a different way.  

So as I leave the 30’s and enter the 40’s, I’m looking for the quiet transitions and seeking the fresh and unique and seeing God’s face in it all. 

Friday, March 29, 2013

Bread & Wine Book Review



One of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequist, just wrote a new book – Bread & Wine – A Love Letter to Life Around the Table with Recipes.  When I heard that I could get an advanced copy and write a book review, I was ecstatic and jumped at the chance! 



My best, brightest, and most positive memories are around the table.  While that includes the big holidays like Easter, Christmas, and Thanksgiving at my Grandparent’s house, it also includes the simple day-to-day gatherings.  I remember laughing until I cried many nights at my childhood home over any typical weeknight dinner – pizza or meatloaf or porcupine meatballs.  Five kids and my parents telling funny stories and barely resisting spitting out our food or milk in fits of silliness. 
 

I remember afternoons when a neighbor would show up and there would inevitably be coffee and a snack – around the common kitchen table – never in the living room.  I remember holidays at my husband’s childhood home when we were dating and first married – in-laws and siblings and nieces and nephews cackling and telling the same stories over and over – crammed into spaces too small and nobody minding the tables between us. 
 

I can see the table with splattered food that reached to the walls, ceiling and floor when our three were little – loud and crying, and spilling and even in that chaos, I see myself smiling, remembering.  I see Jerry and I at our favorite Italian restaurant, the elderly waiter singing in Italian, the wine glass in my hand, smiling and toasting and basking in my wonderful husband’s love. 
 

Around the table I see the people I hold onto and love. Even when there is illness or pain or confusion or heartbreak or tension in the everyday, when we are around the table, we can laugh and tell those same stories – the ones that knit us together in an unbreakable bond. 
 

Shauna’s books have always met me where I am – right in the midst of the same seasons in my life.  Cold Tangerines met me in the joys of my life, Bittersweet met me during the heartache, and Bread & Wine weaves together all of those good times and bad, highs and lows into this everyday necessity that is so much more than eating, but nourishment for both the body and soul.  All of her books have left me crying at one point and close to throwing them across the room at another – digging deeply into the wonder and joy and striking the chord of pain and suffering. Bread & Wine is no exception. 
 

The chapter entitled “Start Where You Are” has become my new theme.  I’m an all or nothing person, so I want to immediately start and master the next big thing with gusto – controlling all its parts and accomplishing remarkable things.  But the truth is that I have to start where I am – take small steps to move in that direction that results in those remarkable things – whatever they are.  Running starts with walking and jogging and then logging miles – but never in an instant or even over a single month.  Writing starts with single words strung into sentences that result in moving thoughts and change producing vision.
    

“Open the Door” is a chapter that reminds me that true authenticity when opening your home is being who you are in your own space even if your space is like mine – perma-crumbs on the floor, dishes forever by the sink, laundry baskets acting as multicolored living room accessories, splatters on the bathroom mirror.  My mother always welcomed neighbors and friends in the front door even when she was in her pajamas, even when the kitchen was undone from the last meal, even when we kids had left toy after toy strewn in the living room.  The door was always open and I aspire to have that open door policy, in hopes that people will understand and know that they can come as they are to this place where I am who I am.


I have a set of Russian dolls – much like the one that Shauna refers to in the chapter of the same name.  They sit on my mantle – six elegantly decorated ladies all tucked into each other.  In this chapter, she brought me to tears with this – looking through pictures of her Grandparents with her Grandmother.  Her Grandmother said that she remembered just how that thirteen year old felt and that nineteen year old bride felt and that thirty year old on the motorcycle felt.  “She said you carry them inside you, collecting them along the way, more and more selves inside you with each passing year, like those Russian dolls, stacking one inside the other, nesting within themselves, waiting to be discovered, one and then another.”   And in that moment tears welling out of me, I realized that all of those selves I’ve collected along the way are lost – that I don’t know them anymore, that I seldom look back and reflect and remember and reach deeply into myself to stack them all together and come to the full realization of who I am today because of them.  Some of the baggage those selves have collected needs to laid down and some of that past joy and wonder, and fun-loving personality need to be picked up.  I sobbed realizing that in doing this, it will change the person I am today and I so desperately need that.   Whenever I look at my Russian dolls, I will remember. 
 

The chapter entitled “Take this Bread” brings home to me what it means to live this life around the table, acknowledging our physical limitations by taking the time to sit around the table for bodily nourishment.  But it doesn’t end there – although our culture pushes us to use mealtimes as quick fuel stops for the body – it goes much deeper than this.  The table nourishes our body and soul and brings us together in that singular place where we are all one.  Shauna’s friend Shane so eloquently says – “bread is the food of the poor and wine is the food of the privileged, and that every time we see those two together, we are reminded of what we share instead of what divides us.” Yes! This physical and spiritual act of communion – sharing bread and wine is the heart of this book – the table that brings us together – but only if we fight for it and cherish it and allow ourselves to be open to it.


The recipes – so fun and delicious!  I made the Basic Vinaigrette and loved the simplicity of it.  My next go around I will adjust the acidity using less balsamic vinegar and more olive oil, but I have tried the original recipe on Greek salad and chicken and potatoes and enjoyed them immensely.  I will likely buy a better jar for it – my jelly jar has a high maintenance lid, which results in more mess than I care for.
 

The Goat Cheese Biscuits were out of this world!  I do not have a cast iron skillet – but now after making this I am inspired to purchase one.  They were dense and rich without being over the top.  I gobbled up four in one evening – I couldn’t resist!  (Looking forward to eating more with eggs for breakfast!) I ended up making 14 biscuits with the recipe instead of 12.


Overall, Bread & Wine is a real treasure of the mind, heart, and mouth.  Each chapter weaves together a beautiful tapestry of how the everyday table is one of the richest and most beautiful places to be. 


I was given a free, advanced copy of Bread & Wine to review.  However, my opinions are my own. 


Shauna Niequist is the author of Cold Tangerines and Bittersweet, and Bread & Wine. Shauna grew up in Barrington, Illinois, and then studied English and French Literature at Westmont College in Santa Barbara. She is married to Aaron, who is a pianist and songwriter. Aaron is a worship leader at Willow Creek and is recording a project called A New Liturgy. Aaron & Shauna live outside Chicago with their sons, Henry and Mac. Shauna writes about the beautiful and broken moments of everyday life--friendship, family, faith, food, marriage, love, babies, books, celebration, heartache, and all the other things that shape us, delight us, and reveal to us the heart of God.