Saturday, August 10, 2013

The Last Day

Yesterday was the last day of my 30’s.  For months I have thought about this birthday and what it means for my life.  I’ve joked with others saying that I’m planning my “mid-life crisis”.  I’ve considered what outlandish thing I could carry out to celebrate this new phase in my life.  It seems that today was destined for momentous announcements, fireworks, or some other type of fanfare. 
I contemplate everything that has happened in this decade.  We bought our first home, became parents three times, witnessed tragedies and joys, experienced unexplainable ups and downs that made us stronger and enriched our lives for the better.  These were the life-sized, piercing transitions – signing papers for the house and taking keys in hand, births after hours of pushing, witnessing a friend’s tragic death, and walking out of my job for the last time.  When I look at the timeline of these 10 years, these events stand out screaming loudly, flashing sirens. 
But as I sit here in the still early morning a mere hour away from the time of my birth, I realize that the biggest changes in my life weren’t shrill or bombastic, but silent and reflective.  While those significant events were the catalyst for the changes, the changes themselves happened quietly and gradually. 
As a new parent, I learned each day to lay down self and serve those wee ones.  Most days I failed miserably, cried often and as they grew gave myself over to anger and annoyance.  But I’ve turned the corner over the last few years by God’s grace.  He has given me supernatural patience and a servant’s heart. 
God began changing my heart towards my job and career months before I resigned.  While that day terrified me, I had a great peace in my heart knowing that God was with me.  Now two years later I can look back and see how he has provided for us every single day – his faithfulness learned in minor and immense ways.  

I can truly see how each incident prepared me and I’m grateful for them. Each experience has brought me to this moment – even the daily, repetitive grind – an opportunity to learn and be refreshed and to turn a different way.  

So as I leave the 30’s and enter the 40’s, I’m looking for the quiet transitions and seeking the fresh and unique and seeing God’s face in it all. 

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