Friday, January 21, 2011

Three Worlds I live in three worlds – work, home, family. I have an important role in each of these three worlds and try as I must, I can’t seem to get it all together in all three. I fail, it seems in all places. At work, I can’t seem to meet the demands put on me…I struggle. And because I struggle, others that rely on me do too. Every day I feel like I’m chipping away at the side of Mount Everest. I derive little satisfaction from what I do there, maybe because the other worlds demand so much attention and mental devotion. Home – something is always piled up – dishes, laundry, toys. While I think that overall things have gotten better, I still struggle with systems and processes to keep up with the day-to-day demands of my home. Family – there is always a little voice demanding my attention. But somehow I have to figure out how to balance that out with the other two worlds when in reality I just don’t want to. I don’t want to balance these three worlds – I want to simplify, change, move around and focus on what is really important – family and only family. But that is just not realistic for me at this time. So what do I do? I don’t have a good answer…I compartmentalize…I allow my daughter to watch too many movies when I’m trying to work from home…I do dishes when the roughhousing begins. My oldest has stopped asking me to play with her…and I feel like I should suggest that we play with something but I know that somehow I won’t be able to hold up my end of the bargain. And my heart breaks a little. And I know how I want to change it, but it would take a miracle. I’m OK with that…I believe it could happen. I keep praying for that miracle.

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